TODAY ON OPRAH

MEREDITH BAXTER was on OPRAH to talk about her new book UNTIED. She described how she chose relationships with abusive men and in particular the relationship with her ex-husband actor DAVID BIRNEY. Seeing the OPRAH SHOW motivated me to comment on the pernicious theme of male abuse against females. Today I also read an article in NATIONAL GEOGRAPHY about yet another horrible mutilation by an Afghan man against his wife. The Taliban husband cut off the nose and ears of his terrified wife because she tried to save her life by escaping to a neighbor 's house. He took this reprehensible action in front of countless male acolytes who, of course, did nothing to stop him.

The question I want to raise is best expressed in the pilot episode of the series JAG, taped in 1995. Both the American and Taliban culture attempt to make women believe that they must, somehow, love creepy guys! That these violent insensitive men are not bad. The pilot episode of JAG underlines this because the female lead, played by ANDREA PARKER in the role of Lt Caitlin 'Kate' Pike, is an officer of the navy whose job it is to investigate a crime that occurred on a warship yet, even as an officer of the navy, she is belittled by other sailors of lesser rank and by the male lead, DAVID JAMES ELLIOT as Lt Harmon 'Harm' Rabb jr, who is technically her equal. It shocked me to see this kind of mistreatment of a woman in a professional situation by supposedly well educated American men in 1995! Not 1905! I even get the sense that DAVID BELLISSARIO, who wrote the script, did not get how insulting it was to women to witness what they have decried forever as the unfair treatment they receive in professional realms.

The worst thing was, according to the scriptwriter of the episode, that this verbally abused female officer "developed" a crush on the male lead. Yes, even in 1995 women were expected to feel love for men who publicly ridiculed them, their professional ambitions, and the fact a woman cannot punch the guy in the face to make him stop the abuse. Men rarely treat huge men the way they treat puny women because they are afraid of getting beat up. A fear that does not exist when they get the urge to belittle a female. We see so many men bonding with each other after the huge fight for supremacy.

The confusion over the cultural message, and the real emotions that grow in the heart of an abused person, led many women to marry real mean spirited men. It took years for people to recognize the pattern because our culture said Of course men also wonder why their wives or girlfriends left them since they were behaving according to accepted societal standards as expressed on TV by other men.

The problem with the cultural portrayal of male and female roles in some TV shows and movies, as well as according to Taliban rules, is two sided: 1- men are led to believe they will be loved no matter how mean they are, and 2- women believe there is goodness in men who belittle and abuse them. The answer to both these concerns is NO! She will stop loving you, and he is a heartless jerk!

I can only wish that all abusers of the female gender one day live in a space where absolutely no female presence exists. Let them wash the dishes and become extinct in their own violent prejudiced filth.

I know there are many great people out there, humanity would be extinct if not for you. Thank you for being who you are and never give up bringing your light to the world.

-Lena Ghio